Letter from TX, Quickies:

1-6-09 - Brushing off 2008, and you can forget about that donut.

1-3-08 - Seeing off 2007, with vim, vigor, and a donut.

Letter from NYC, the Return:

9-26-07 - A visit to the old stomping grounds, courtesy of a dumpy bald guy and his old-ass friends.

Letter from TX Archives:

1-8-07 - Endings and new beginnings.

8-28-06 - The unworking world, and scenes from a rainy day. Plus: My Second Life has just begun.

6-13-06 - Buddha and the Bass angels, a walk through FW, mental eye-openers, and where I belong. Plus: My son LOVES the mall.

5-2-06 - A Fort Worth renaissance, still with the griping, new album progress, and two matthew show associates to watch out for. Plus: Mulufkin Tire.

3-18-06 - Welcome to Crowley, what's new in children's programming since 1979, overheard in FW, and delayed building implosion gratification. Plus: My baloney has a first name, it's d-e-p-r-e-s-s-i-o-n.

Letter from NYC Archives:

1-19-06 - Leaving New York: the final chapter.

1-8-06 - Zero hour approacheth, Russian Valley Girls in Hoboken, the transit strike and near-death experiences. Plus: The complete reorganization of my life.

11-27-05 - The birth of Nathan, son of matthew. Plus: Ready, set, get ready to go.

11-2-05 - Changing seasons of all varieties, New Yorkers and reality, and new readings in music history. Plus: The return of the musical Scottish soccer hooligans.

8-28-05 - The move that dare not speak its name, 7-11's destroying life as we know it, New Orleans and portent for New York, and Letter From CA, Part Tres Lounge. Plus: Endtroducing the deanpence cornhole show.

6-4-05 - Travels in Long Island, a day without po folks, and crazy people behind the wheel in the middle of the night. Plus: Old-ass cemeteries and lurking frogs.

5-26-05 - Dodge Ball and its Oriental equivalent, the return of the speedball, the waiting game, and thoughts about the future. Plus: Letter From CA, Part Deux.

4-17-05 - Taking care of business, sleeping pill addiction, and thanks. Plus: Letter From CA, Part I.

3-13-05 - Homo thugs, the Trans-Texas Corridor and your bunghole, new live shows, and the layered force dynamics that keep this massive strangeness of a progressed reality from spinning out. Plus: The John Birch Society vs. my old man.

2-27-05 - Speedballs for wimps, tragic hair and rehearsal studios, and risking the G train. Plus: Fatherhood. Holy shit.

2-12-05 - Billie Jean King's bench, Broadway dabblings, tough love from footwear, arty fartiness and antiquarianism, and Jewish curses. Plus: Xipe Totec and why he needs your flayed skin.

1-1-05 - The New Year dawns with a wrap-up, local meets universal, and the sunset stirs thoughts for 2005. Plus: Finding smart people is hard.

12-19-04 - Chrismahanukwanzakuh in Brooklyn, being shot by Aaron Burr, and girls rocking out. Plus: Nothing.

11-25-04 - Working with ghosts, flipping lightswitches for the philosophically handicapped, making friends with the M train, Happy Food Day, & spoiling for a fight. Plus: Stupid bitches.

A Year In Manhattan:

10-2-04 - Heading back to Brooklyn while locked in the Garden State, voyages of self-discovery and election jitters. Plus: Cat logic.

9-6-04 - The RNC Follies, a JournalCon diary, DC Cab, the Washington Metro and monkey balls, ColecoVision and blonde buff gay men. Plus: Drunk on meat.

7-29-04 - More proctoring? Summer arrives for real, the tiniest women in the world, unemployment and perpetual motion machines, a Brighton Beach memoir, Brooklyn Day, little gay Colombians, death by pigeon, and the great deanpence emergency move. Plus: Secret Societies and the intern that got away.

7-5-04 - Attack of the liberal old ladies, the Stupid Shoes, conversations with fat construction workers and hairy-eared bus stop patrons, pears and Angelina Jolie's butt fat. Plus: Finally, a place to watch the fireworks.

6-12-04 - A friend lifts the funk, the Oldest Lady on the 6th Floor, an illicit affair with New Jersey, and a lot of bitching about being poor. Plus: Remembering Ray Charles.

5-30-04 - Rock and roll lifestyles of the poor and unknown, the political animal ascendant, Spring in NYC, and the birth of the Acoustic Surprise. Plus: Little foreign kids with deadly shovels.

4-28-04 - Racism North & South, Scorpion Bombs, cursing at idiots, & Benedict Arnold's Leg. Plus: Bras everywhere.

4-6-04 - A Sopwith Camel in Central Park, insomnia and the angle of the sun. Plus: The Future Of Music.

3-9-04 - Russian teddy bears, Magic Hands Freddy, new haircut bafflements, & how poetry education in the subways doesn't work. Plus: A Tale of Bluff Dale.

2-25-04 - Letter From Belgrade II, The War On Men's Wearhouse, cat's in the cradle, and remembrances of Februaries past. Plus: Hot Croatian chicks.

2-12-04 - Exorcising the demons of a public school education, cheap pants & Boxcar Willie, steers vs. bulls, talking to the trees, The Beer Commercial Orchestra, & becoming high maintenance. Plus: There's something really wrong with Jose now.

2-1-04 - Ethnic hair and the universe, a troll in Gorgeous Girl Land, ten guppies from a forty-aught six, Letter From Belgrade I, AncienTemps unleashed, and Russian diamond dealers. Plus: There's something wrong with Jose.

1-13-04 - Unemployment, going Euro, The Tale Of The Cat And The Open Window, and Perseverance. Plus: Smackdown - Being vs. Accomplishment

12-31-03, Part II - America By Amtrak, Parte the Seconde. Plus: New Year's reflections.

12-31-03, Part I - America By Amtrak, Parte the Firste.

12-18-03 - New Yorkers on the farm, Dilbert Explained, the Second Blizzard of Aught-Three, and Why You Should Never Go To The Kinko's On Columbus Circle. Plus: Karaoke. Yes, karaoke.

11-29-03 - Cafeteria Gothique, soap operas & bodice-ripping, Statler & Waldorf, drunk with Dave, Guitar Center at last, and musician minutiae. Plus: The Daily News sucks ass.

11-12-03 - Subbing for Dr. Phil, Hootie & the Matchboxfish, The Gray Hair Debate, Lifetime Buyers' Remorse, and fuckin' on the band bus. Plus: Tickets to see Dave.

10-26-03 - texas gets reviewed, nostalgia kept at bay via historical accuracy, naked chicks in Grand Central, and "vury scurry" Frenchmen. Plus: Drunk on Cosmopolitans.

10-20-03 - Obsessions with cemeteries and fictional universes, crazy old men and pigeons. Plus: Mullet hog.

10-6-03 - A Central Park Busker's Tale.

10-1-03 - How does this thing work? Plus: Weird people everywhere.

9-26-03 - The French Taunter at the UN, Eartha and Mr. Golf Whitey. Plus: How Not to Get Fired. EVER.

9-20-03 - Attack of the male receptionist, office decorating tips, crazy Korean ladies and Police Academy, train minutiae, the capital of the world, and assassinating Dr. Phil. Plus: texas arrives.

9-12-03 - Autumn breezes, commutation sentences, protestin' John Ashcroft, cat dentistry, and again with the Buckaroo Banzai. Plus: Heath Ledger and his fear of bathtub poo.

8-23-03 - The Blackout of Aught-Three. Ben Folds & Aimee Mann in Central Park: Aww, yeah. Plus: Know-it-alls and Nerd Spasms.

8-10-03 - Also sprach the cat track, the birth of the matthew show radio, cute-n-stupid celebrity sightings, introducing Technobob, and equal time for Jesus freaks. Plus: Dabney Coleman meets the Gimp.

7-27-03 - texas goes to press, birds shit on the neighbors, the cat track soldiers on, cats and vampirism, and tornado memories. Plus: Drunken Risk parties.

7-15-03 - Cat Track, big vs. little, pity poor Tarim, throwing stones at Abraham, and "Soulever Lift". Plus: Izzy the Nerd Bird.

6-30-03 - My first lap dance, encounters with militant lunatics, the saviors of mullet rock, & pool sharks. Plus: The most terrifying street performer ever.

6-18-03 - Godawful work ranting, One-Joke Louie, universal balance and the pursuit of the extra piece of chicken. Plus: costumeless in Manhattan and the search for a train to bond with.

6-8-03 - Hatred for Hagatha, new apartment smell, mastering a-go-go, Snoop Dogg goes country, my cat shakes her head in bewilderment. Plus: Scientologists & the black buses.

Brooklyn Beginnings:

5-25-03 - Introducing the Neti Pot. Return of the workplace revolution, apartment searching, and corner-standers. Plus: Star Wars dethroned by Keanu Bloody Reeves.

5-9-03 - Giant inflatable protesting rats. Showdown at the laundromat and the printer. Alpha Earner Females and their fear of bears. Plus: teen pop revealed.

4-24-03 - At night you hear the trains. Pre-sale progress and the sights of a NYC Spring. Plus: country boy flashbacks.

4-17-03 - Mixing down, mastering to go. The texas pre-sale! Og ups the ante. Plus: sodomy, hoodlum kids, and beer sweetener.

3-28-03 - Why Van Morrison sucks, NYC radio breakdown, and the coming of BLOG. Plus: Vibrators!

3-18-03 - Who's Who, La Cucaracha, and war anxiety.

3-12-03 - Laundromat gossip, BLOG rises from the dead, and James Joyce gets a second chance. Plus: Mixing begins.

2-26-03 - Bluegrass in the damndest places. Nick Cave placed on the shit list. Showdown over the Morning Shower. Plus: irrational fear of classic literature.

2-21-03 - King Theoden awakens from his spell. Introducing Og The Silent, Theatra The Ceaseless, and Affirmatia The Wall-Eyed. Plus: funny religion hats.

2-17-03 - The Blizzard of Aught-Three. Rants under the influence of decongestants and thoughts on Aimee Mann's NYC concert.

2-4-03 - Fort Worth from the ground, New York from the air.

1-28-03 - Cold, cold, and more cold. Empty musical promises.

1-18-03 - Return of the big hippie protest. Plus: hot lesbians.

1-11-03 - Daytime TV & farts. Gettin' old and lookin' like Bob Saget.

1-1-03 - New Year's shenanigans. Smackdown: The Star Wars Holiday Special.

12-28-02 - I put the isthmus in Christmas.

12-19-02 - The Return of Rich Bitch. Billy Joel = Classic Rock? Fear on the M train. Stupid crap.

12-10-02 - Beard trimmers on eyebrows? Norma Rae returns. Snow!

12-4-02 - Notes from the trip to Texas. Epiphanies. Hatred of dayjobs. Again.

11-23-02 - More stupid kids in laundromats. Top Ten Signs You're Getting The Hang of the Whole New York Thing. Some kinda other crap.

11-13-02 - Wall Street. Secret tinklers. Voting for Old Kinderhook. The horrors of Red Hook. Women wearing heels: Why?

11-3-02 - Fun at the Javits Center. I reveal my secret weapon. Babies in quiet auditoriums. Brooklyn's purty.

10-28-02 - Protestin' it righteous in DC.

10-21-02 - Stupid kids in laundromats. The parents visit NYC. Stupid people at work. And I meet Cindy Frikkin' Crawford.

10-9-02 - We loves us some New England. And some Renaissance Faires.

10-3-02 - Ramble, ramble, ramble, Q train, ramble, Times Square, ramble, Valley Girls suck, ramble, ramble...

9-22-02 - Dancing with the Brooklyn Army Terminal in the pale moonlight. Lawyer doodles.

9-13-02 - Frolicking in Prospect Park.

9-11-02 - Rather obvious, I should think.

9-5-02 - Labor Day Weekend and the American Museum of Natural History. Showdown in the Central Park bathroom. Attack of the bossa nova bass line. The briefest possible reviews of Possession and One Hour Photo.

8-30-02 - Eavesdropping on Broadway. German hair products are funny. Hatred of astrology addicts rising. Wifely makes a guest appearance.

8-26-02 - Pummeling straw men with closed fists of rage.

8-20-02 - My first visit to New Haven. Centipede beats my ass. Again. The evil of secondhand Broadway. I reveal my man-crush for Glen Phillips.

8-8-02 - My Norma Rae moment. Wifely gets a job & goes to Wyoming. What's wrong with Signs. Stupid illnesses and getting old. What's wrong with The Three Tenors.

7-25-02 - The copier-daemon is released. Crazy Mafia guys talk about their marriages. Independent film can sometimes suck. Ach!! Oliver the Upstairs German returns! I torture a vegetarian. Scenes from Central Park.

7-17-02 - In the jaws of the gummint. Gangsta Dominoes. McMcDonalds really exists. Workplace hatred.

7-8-02 - Rockefeller Center and More Lawyer Crap. Sling Blade strikes again. Our landlord introduces us to his friend the cucaracha. Evil babies. Big Macy's fireworks. And mullets.

6-29-02 - Proctoring? The Hitler Haircut. I also insult every neighborhood in Brooklyn and learn to pronounce "gyro".

6-21-02 - Midgets. My first adventure at Rich Bitch Clothiers. I get mistaken for a stupid Texan. Still too tall for Brooklyn.

6-6-02 - Showdown with Jelly Temps. Bit of neighborhood exploring. And my first meeting with Oliver the Upstairs German.

5-11-02 - Fear of permanent jobs survives the trip from Texas. Saw a Spin Doctor, too. The HEAD Spin Doctor!

5-5-02 - Made it to New York. Culture shock begins.