© 2002-2015
the matthew show

Dramatis Personae

Mom - Nurse, gardening enthusiast, new Pink Floyd fan (I'm convertin', I'm convertin'...).

Dad - Former lumberyard kingpin, now wandering spirit and musician. Sat in on bass with both Dave Brubeck and Henry Mancini in the '60s (I ain't got that kinda cred).

Leslie - Sister, teacher of teachable creatures, including my son.

Darren - Husband of Leslie, videographer and cop. He'll shoot you good.

Daniel - Brother, shared a room with me for 15 years. Claims I gave him his left cheek-dimple forcibly as a child. Science throws up its hands in confusion. Now my connection in Albququerque, New Mexico.

Shithead - An immensely talented friend of mine who was in my first band. Passed away in 2011, has a tribute album now.

Meathead - Former bass player and friend of Shithead's who now arrests Texas hoodlums. I give him my suggestions on who needs arrestin' every now & then, but so far most of my old teachers remain unincarcerated.

Gustavson - Drummer, old friend and former romantic rival on not one, but TWO occasions in high school. Now working on various musical projects, including the matthew show.

Mike P - Grinning scheme-master, plays a mean drum and occasionally writes a fine tune or two.

E - Former girlfriend, Violent Femmes enthusiast and nurse. Likes beets "because they taste like dirt."

Jehosafat - My cat of 14 years, deceased as of September 17th, 2009.

KISSArmy - Guitarist, chum, and former band member. Likes KISS. A lot.

deanpence - Keyboardist, bassoonist, saxophonist, vocalist, and all around utility guy in my first band, also a tortured ponderer and former operator of the late, lamented Cornhole Show podcast. Presently pining after the mountain man dream.

Wifely - Well, she's my WIFE, ain't she?

Albert - Cat, whereabouts currently unknown, though probably in the greater Dallas area. Hopefully knocking back a saucer of 2% with a kindhearted old lady.

Tomasland - Boy genius, former landlord, and computer wizard. Drinks Tobasco like root beer.

Midge - Student & former roommate, often kept Tomasland from hurting himself with fire.

Sigmund - One member of the dynamic cat duo at my parents' house. Has the most ferociously clumping fur in Christendom. The Oscar Madison in this feline odd couple.

Socrates - The other cat-in-residence at the folks' place. Obsesses constantly to avoid having fur like Sigmund's. A Felix Unger if ever there was one.

Wifeymama - The Wifely's mama, natch. eBay maven and Dancing With The Stars critic. Passed away in 2009.

Mister G - Wifeymama's husband, also a dancing enthusiast.

Roger the cross-eyed cat - Former resident of Wifeymama's home, and winner of Tiniest Voice From Biggest Cat award. Presently living with us.

Porchy the porch cat - Found on our back porch in Fort Worth, adopted because we're suckers. Roger does not approve.

Nathan - My son, big as a house. A particularly small house. And a particularly cute one. Have a look.




Hippie - Former band member and old pal, lives in lovely Fort Worth TX & writes some mighty fine lyrics now & then.

Paul - Keyboardist, songwriter, producer, and graphic novel afficionado. He just flew from New York to Serbia, and boy, is he tired.

Maja - Paul's wife, a professor. Serbian (not American, you imperialist swine), which means you should NOT fuck with her.

Petra - She's my German-American cousin, an actress & former musician. You may have spotted her somewhere, or maybe not.

Arthur - Mastering engineer & thinking feller. Recently relocated to California, the lucky bastard.

Dorian - Singer, songwriter, lover of Jack & Coke. He used to be in movies out in L.A. Maybe you've seen him.

Kimberly - Drummer, lover of hard cider & nonlinear grooves. Was once a Texan, but Jersey won out. Must've been the gardens they're always talking about.

Makenna - My niece, daughter of Leslie & Darren. She's just one of the cutest things anyone on Earth's ever seen. Don't take my word for it, see for yourself.

Gavin - My nephew, daughter of Leslie & Darren. The cuteness, it runs in the fambly.


If you're interested in matthew's pre-show history mentioned herein, you can find some here.